Here is Machine and I May 13th. The drunken night we made out...

Anyway... so Machine was out with us and he suddenly became really withdrawn. When I pressed he told me how he has tremendous anxiety since coming home from Iraq. People bother him. He looks at all these people partying and he gets angry. Bitter. Mad.

All these guys are fucked up. They are 26, 25 years old and starting their lives after seeing their friends and innoscent people die. Not dead bodies. Actually see them die.

Marine Boy would talk about it when we laid in bed. How one of his men stood right next to him and took a bullet to the head. Dear God.

Ewok has really bad dreams. Linz says he wakes up crying sometimes.

Last night I had a dream I was visiting them in Iraq. We were sitting in a school when bullets started whizzing by. Machine grabbed me and put me up against the wall and then stood behind me so he would take any bullets. My dream was so vivid. I woke up crying.

But my dream sums it up. These guys would die for our country.

So back to Saturday. Machine and I left the bar and came back to my house. We sat on my porch and talked into the wee hours. No making out this time. Just some cuddling when we fell asleep.

I'm glad I met these guys but DAMN! I feel like Mama Bear always worrying about them. Machine can't really talk about it with anyone else and I'm a bit of a sounding board. All I do is listen and cry when he leaves. All of it is just so sad.

Makes ya think huh?