It was Tuesday when I checked my stats. I recognized an IP address as a company my cousin works. Yes, I was found. He googled his name, my brothers and my cousins and my diary came up.

When I first started writing I wasn't hip to the google game. I thought I had efited all my older entries but apparently I had not.

Cuz and I met once when we were 5 and 9 but our fathers haven't talked since. He's a cool cat but I still don't want him reading. I'm not ashamed about anything I've done but I wrote a lot about my parents and their problems. Things the Cuz shouldn't know anything about.

I thought about why I keep this diary. And why I keep it public. SHouldn't it be just enough to get it down on paper. Do I really need others to read it.

My answer?

Yes.

It's nice to get notes from strangers saying they understand or have been through it too. It feels good to know my crazy antics make people laugh.

I need an audience.

Having said that I am opening a new diary. I'll need to upgrade to Gold so I can get fancy once again. Anyone who has the former Diary, can you please delete it in your profiles. (Thanks!!)

After I had realized that Cuz was reading I went back and read a ton of entries.

God...Have I turned into a whiny little shallow bitch. Perhaps "turned into" isn't the correct way of explaination but "have been all along."

My life of late has been over run with high school antics. From crushes to He said She said. Ridiculous.

I was driving home from work yesterday and I realized it was the first time in a long time I let my mind wander. Really wander. Usually I'm on the phone with work people taking care of fires. Or on the phone with one of my friends gossiping. I cranked Bon J0vi's Living 0n a Prayer and sang at the top of my lungs. It felt good damn it.

I need to do it more often.

Letting the mind wander.

Getting rid of all this social clutter that has been consuming me.

Time to Grow the fuck up.