But I made it. Around 2 am. TDW was fast asleep on the couch. But he woke up, carried my bags in. We brushed our teeth and gave each other a proper hello. I think we made out for an hour. Every time I would run my fingers threw his hair he would sigh and squeeze me tight. I miss this side of him.

After a fabulous romp we talked until he had to go to work at 5 am. Poor guy. I'm sure he's falling asleep right now in his office.

He confided in me his issues with us. He thinks I've already moved on. And I have, almost. He wants us to be together but he can't think straight. My response: Maybe if you didn't date so much you would have time to figure things out. He agreed. Said he hasn't been dating at all in Arizona and only a few times in France. Yeah... I'm not betting the family cow on that one!

I still care about him a lot. When we are together it is great. But I'm still going to move on. And I told him so. If I'm still single when he gets done this assignment who knows. But what is the likeliness that I'll still be single (ablout 80% if you are a betting man!!).

I have to say I really heart my friends. They are so supportive. Not putting in their opinions. Just telling me to enjoy myself and quite beating myself up. They all called me last night on my drive to make sure I was okay. It brought tears to my eyes. I'm a lucky girl.

In church on Sunday I was trying to find calm. And all I kept thinking about was forgiveness. I need to forgive.

So I decided to go to Christmas at my brothers afterall. Tickets are expensive as hell. I call my pops and he gave me his credit card number. He's always good like that. But I hate being 29 and asking my dad for $600. I do have it but it also irratates the fuck out of me that no one ever comes to California to see me but expects me to fly around the country for them. Ouch. Can you hear the bitterness?

I'm sitting in St@rbucks in Tempe Az. And the two guys working here can be interchanged with ANY employees working at any other St@rbucks. They all look the same. I'm a St@rbucks racist.

So tonight we are going out with TDW's friends. And tomorrow driving to Tucson to spend the holiday's with his Aunt. This will be the first time I've met his family or friends other than the ones I had already known when I met him. I'm actually nervous. Why? I have no idea.

Why are all the Starbucks like 60 degrees?

Burr....

I got to go warm up.

Happy Turkey Day everyone.